I realize I haven’t written anything here for months, and posting a Christmas song several weeks after Christmas is adding insult to injury, but I’m doing it anyway.  Hope you like it.

This past Sunday was my last at Christ Community. The reality of this transition hasn’t hit me yet– it’s still too close. I’ve spent some time this weekend trying to process everything, but didn’t have any major breakthroughs. I’m hoping that maybe during the time that I’ve been so busy on Sunday mornings for the past many years, the sky will open up and I’ll get some sort of revelation…some clarity and closure. That’s what happens on Sundays for normal people, right?

In all seriousness, I think the processing and clarity will only come in time. Guess that’s why it’s called process-ing. It doesn’t happen all at once. But, like everything else in my life, I want it to happen now. I’m ready for what’s coming. I’m already setting my sights on the next big thing. That’s my problem. One thing I’ve learned about myself over the past few years is how much I struggle to live in the present. To really be content (…I’d be happy with just content, not to mention joyful, grateful, etc.) with where life is at any given moment.  It’s like I need something in the future to give me hope.  When I was in high school, it was college.  When I was in college, it was work.  When Hannah and I started dating, it was marriage.  Then graduation.  Then working full-time.  Then buying a house.  You get the idea.  I’m always banking on something that hasn’t yet come.

So here’s the thing.  Even as I think through all of this, I realize that the desire for something in the future to give me hope is a natural thing.  It’s in my soul to long for redemption…for full reversal of the fall…for things to be made new and right once and for all.  That’s what I was made for.  But when I start to think that a certain job situation, or relationship, or a new house, or whatever is going to make things right, I’m asking to be disappointed.  Those things can be wonderful (and I get more of them than I deserve, for certain), but they can’t deliver the deep satisfaction and peace that I’m longing for.

I came across an old hymn a few weeks ago, written in 1875 by Clara Williams:

All my life long I had panted for a drink from some cold spring
that I hoped would quench the burning of the thirst I felt within.
Hallelujah! He has found me, the one my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies all my longings, through his blood I now am saved.

Well of water, ever springing. Bread of life, so rich and free.
Untold wealth that never faileth, my Redeemer is to me.
Hallelujah! He has found me, the one my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies all my longings, through his blood I now am saved.

Poor I was and sought for riches; something that would satisfy.
But the dust I gathered ’round me only mocked my soul’s sad cry.
Hallelujah! He has found me, the one my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies all my longings, through his blood I now am saved.

This sort of peace and rest is what I need– it’s what will give me space to process my time at Christ Community, and really live in the present in this new season of life.  It reminds me of why I believed the Gospel in the first place.  It really is good news.

http://www.wherethehellismatt.com

Hannah & I saw this film a few weeks ago, and loved it. There is something special about it…the story, the actors, the soundtrack, I’m not sure. Probably all of the above. Afterwards I came across this review. I agree with Evie Coates (a great artist herself) that the themes of community and truly loving people and the healing of a soul are told in such a simple and beautiful way. You should read the review and check out Lars and the Real Girl next movie night.